Hide behind me
by Spike's real lover
Summary: Takes place four years after Angel's NFA. Buffy betrays Spike and he's really going this time. Song-fic. First song is Grenade by Bruno Mars. Second is Sorry by Evanescence. Chapter two is up! Long running story. Spuffy!
1. Spike's POV

**This takes place four years after the last episode of Angel. I'm not following the comics. This is from Spike's P.O.V. I Own nothing but the hope that one day I'll be Mrs. Marsters!**

I brushed a stray tear off my cheek as I threw my duffle bag in the trunk of my green jeep. I knew she was crying too. Even from where I was I could hear her. Good. I wanted her to hurt. It's not like she gave a damn about how I felt. She was probably upset about what our friends would say when they found out.

**Easy come, easy go that's just you live**

**Oh take, take, take it all but you never give**

I closed my eyes, running my hand through my hair. It was softer than usually, I hadn't dyed it for a couple years. I let it go brown for her, because she said she loved to run her fingers through it, but that she wished it were softer.

I yanked my hand away as though it had been burned. I felt the muscles in my face jump as I thought about her. About what she had done, who she had done it with.

Angel was the one to out it. The snide bastard was smirking as he admitted to adultery, to sleeping with _my_ wife, _my _Buffy. He said he found a way to anchor in his soul. He said she needed someone who had a chance of being human, giving her a family. He said Buffy had begged him to fuck her, that he made her screamed his name in ecstasy. He said that Buffy had told him that she imagined _him_ when I made love to her, and that they had done it in our bed.

That's what broke me. My fists were still sore from what I did to Angel. I didn't mean to go so far, but I was so mad, blinded with rage. At least Angel wouldn't have the strength to sleep with anyone, none the less a Slayer, for a while that is.

**Should've known you was trouble from the first kiss**

**Had your eyes open, why were they open?**

**I gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash**

**You tossed it in the trash you did**

I slammed the side door of my jeep hard, kicking it as my temper grew. I loved her. Gave her everything; my body, my love, my soul. I was working for the bloody Council to give her the bleeding house of her dreams; it even had a daft white picket fence.

What did I get back for all my work, all my trouble? The slapper sleeps with my enemy while I was out fighting the good fight, risking my neck so she wouldn't have to.

**To give me all your love is I ever asked**

'**Cause what you don't understand**

**Is that I'd catch a grenade for ya'**

**Throw my hand on the blade for ya'**

**I'd jump in front of a train for ya'**

**You know I'd do anything for ya'**

I shivered in the cold even though being a vampire it didn't affect me. I rubbed my arms, moving to the driver side door. I had on an army styled coat, my leather coat was stored at Andrew's apartment. Yet another thing that I lost for Buffy. She wanted me to look more like a husband, and less like sex on legs. So I lost the bad-boy black jeans and tees, instead wearing light colors and looser fitting clothing. Except for when me and Faith went into battle. I was only ever myself around Faith, we could barb and tease each other in good humor. I didn't do that with Buffy anymore, never knew what would set her off. I did everything to change for her, never asking for her to be anything but herself, and still I'm not enough. I fucking let myself be physically beaten at work, to come home and be emotionally beaten by her.

**I would go through all this pain**

**Take a bullet straight through my brain**

**Yes I would die for you baby**

**But you won't do the same**

I Pulled the door closed behind me, roaring the engine to let her know I'm really leaving this time. It's not the first time I've packed my shite, I've started to leave her a couple o' times. But each time I'd cool off out here and end up going back in to apologize for upsetting her. Funny how she can screw up, and I'm the one making things up to her. I've let her hurt me too much, if I'm ever going to live, it's going to have to be without Buffy. I couldn't let myself go back this time; of course it was the first time she's ever cheated on me. To my knowledge at least.

**Black, black, black and blue**

**Beat me 'til I'm numb, tell the Devil I say 'hey'**

**When you get back to where you're from**

I pulled away from our house, from the home I made with Buffy. I felt numb. My mind unfocused, I was driving on auto, literally. The pain was too much, my heart ached too bad to concentrate.

**Bad woman, bad woman, that's just what you are, yeah**

**You smile to my face, then rip the breaks from my car**

**I gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash**

**Tossed it in the trash yes you did**

I didn't know where I'd go. Didn't know what I'd do without Buffy. I spent my every free day for the past four years with her. After the big battle in L.A. I went to find her, to win her back. It didn't take long. Of course she started out acting like a wounded pup, angry that I didn't come back to her straight away. But my persistence won though and soon after getting back together I offered her a ring. It was an emerald to match her beautiful eyes, diamonds surrounding the gem and it was set in a gold band. The thing cost me an arm and a bloody leg, but it was worth it to see her face when I gave it to her. Everything was always worth it, whatever it took to make her happy, to hear her tell me she loved me.

She said it quite a bit. When I was worshipping her body, when we were fighting and everywhere else in between; lies, all fake. How could she love me, but betray me like that? What did I do to make her hate me so much?

**If my body were on fire**

**You would watch me burn down into flames**

**You said you loved me you were a liar**

'**Cause baby you never ever, ever did**

I took all my willpower not to turn around and run to her side. I wished I could pretend none of this happened, pretend she didn't want Angel more than me. All I wanted to do was crawl into her arms and stay there forever. To hear her tell me she loved me and always would. Lies were always better than the truth when it came to my life anyway. I still loved her. I knew She was the only one I'd ever love again. I loved her, and I had to leave her. My life was unbefuckinglievable. After everything she pulled I'd still die for the parky bint. Fuck.

**But darling I'd still catch a grenade for ya'**

**Throw my hand on the blade for ya'**

**I would do anything for ya'**

**But you won't do the same**

**No, no you would never do the same**

I knew where I was going now; I knew what I had to do to survive. I couldn't fight this pain off as William, Buffy's ever devoted husband; I had to hide my feelings now. I couldn't be William, not the way I had been with Buffy since early on in our marriage, since I lost the rough edge of my demon. I needed him back, and he was waiting, I could feel him ever since I broke, and tore Angel a new one.

I only ever went game-face when I needed to; which wasn't often. We worked well this way, me, my soul and my demon. But now I needed to hide behind him. I went soft for Buffy, not when it came to fighting, only when it came to me personally. I wasn't rude or crude; I didn't snarl or talk sarcastically much anymore. Not even with Faith lately. I had become … too human.

I picked up some dye from a nearby store and headed off to Andrew's. He had something of mine, and I wanted it back.

**Hi! what did you think? Like it, love it, hate it? Tell me! The song is Grenade by Bruno Mars. I would love to continue if anybody thinks it's worth it. Review and tell me if you think it is. You can also P.M. me... but to be honest, I'd rather the review. :) I'm a review hog.**


	2. Buffy's POV

Spike confronted me about Angel and I freaked, I didn't know what to do so I got defensive. I could hear him now, upstairs packing for what felt like the millionth time since we said 'I do.' We'd fight and he'd start to leave, I'm always scared that it might be real, that he's not just going to go out and steam off. I love him so much and I'm afraid he'll leave like every other man I've loved has. But of course he _would_ steam off, and he'd _would_ come back in and apologize for making me worry. I never wanted him to apologize, never asked, but he would all the same. I knew he wasn't the one blame for our fights, not for the most part. I was the one who should've asked for forgiveness, I mean I _was_ the one to start the bulk of our fights.

But I don't think he's coming back this time, I hurt him too much. He would have been able to forgive me if only I had told him the whole story, but instead I threw insults. I'm such a bitch.

**Can you forgive me again?**

**I don't know what I said**

**But I didn't mean to hurt you**

I couldn't move, not through the numbing pain. From my seat on the couch I could see Spike walk out the door, closing it behind him. He didn't even look back at me. I didn't blame him, after what I did, I didn't want to look at me either. If only I had told him what happened instead of opening old wounds. Bring up the worst fight of our marriage.

**I heard the words coming out**

**And felt that I would die**

**It hurt so much to hurt you**

I got up stiffly and headed to our bedroom. I heard him gun his jeep; he was really leaving me this time. I'm such a screw up.

He had been so upset when he asked me about it. After I got defensive he knew it was true. He yelled and hit things, tears streamed down his perfect face, his blue eyes stormy and glazed with pain. I caused that pain, and then I hurt him even more. I accused him of having an affair with Faith. I knew it was stupid, he would never cheat. He got real quiet after that, but I wanted him to yell, to hit something, to _show_ me that I didn't break him. But I did. I could see it in his face.

**Then you look at me**

**You're not shouting anymore**

**You're silently broken**

We had fought over that once before. He stormed out, spending the night on Dawn and Xander's couch. I knew then that he wasn't cheating, but I was jealous of how he acted around Faith. He was like he used to be. Snarking and throwing barbs, he stopped doing that with me, he wasn't Spike anymore. I knew I had done that, chipped away at the man he was until he wasn't him anymore. I would give anything to redo that night with Angel. Hell I'd do anything to redo the last two hours.

**I'd give anything now**

**To kill those words for you**

I dlay down on our bed, hugging William to my chest. William was a dirty blonde bear Spike gave me for our first anniversary. I had gotten home from shopping with Dawn and all the lights had been out, candles were everywhere. Rose petals led the way to our room and blanketed the bed. And standing in a suit with a dozen roses and my teddy bear was Spike with _Wind beneath my wings_ playing in the background. We made love the whole night through, touching and loving each other's bodies. When I mentioned that I liked my bear the next day, he told me he got it so I would have something to hold at night if he was off fighting. I held him now, my tears soaking him. I knew I couldn't live without Spike. He's my one true love.

**Each time I say something I regret I cry 'I don't want to lose you'**

**But somehow I know you will never leave me, yeah**

He always looked for occasions to shower me with love and gifts. He used Harbor day as a reason last year. I pulled his pillow over to me and buried my face into it. God, I knew that I couldn't go on without him. Just waking up in his arms made me happier than I ever had been in my life, Slayer or not.

'**Cause you were made for me**

**Somehow I'll make you see**

**How happy you make me**

I didn't plan on sleeping with Angel, it was a mistake. Had I been in my right mind I would have instead kicked the stupid shit's ass.

I was out drinking with Willow. Spike was gone and I was sad and lonely. Willow found some cute blonde and, with my go ahead, went home with the blonde. I drank my way through a bottle of JD. I hated the stuff, but it's what Spike drank, and it made me feel closer to him.

Angel showed up and offered to drive my drunken ass home. At that point I could barely walk, so I agreed. He got me home and into my bed. The dick hit on me then, but I was still clear enough to turn him down. That's when he told me a bunch of fucking lies about Spike. He said things like Spike had told him the he didn't love me anymore, that he only stayed because he didn't want to hurt me. Then he told me that he anchored in his soul. Being drunk I believed what he said about Spike and cried on his shoulder for a while. Before I knew what was happening I was on my back with Angel kissing me. I didn't know what to do, so I kissed him back, thinking that maybe it would take some of the pain away. I didn't notice when he stripped us both, then suddenly he was in me. I was surprised, and even through the cloud of alcohol I knew that I didn't want Angel to do this. I guess you could say he raped me, took advantage of the fact that I couldn't reason or hurt him while that drunk.

**I can't live this life**

**Without you by my side**

**I need you to survive **

I know that I fucked up by hiding it from Spike. That I shouldn't have cleaned Angel's scent off of everything and lied. I shouldn't have just pretended everything was fine. I'm surprised Spike didn't figure it out sooner. After the incident I started acting extra sweet, super loving. Not that I'm a cold bitch, but I do have a temper, and sometimes it would get the best of me.

I clung to the pillow and bear. I should have gone after him, should have begged him to forgive me. Or at least have told him about what happened. I wished for nothing more than to have his arms ready for me to crawl into.

**So stay with me**

**You look into my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry**

My cell buzzed as I got a text. I jumped for it, hoping it was Spike. It was. It said that I shouldn't worry about him, that he was at Andrew's. It also said that he wanted to meet with me tomorrow night. That we had things to talk out, and that if we were to stay together that I should tell him everything. The truth, whether it was that she wanted Angel, or that night was a mistake. That anyway it was I should meet him at Andrew's around midnight.

**And you forgive me again**

**You my one true friend**

**And I never meant to hurt you**

I cried in relief. I hadn't blown it, not completely. I still had a chance to get him back, to show my husband that I wanted only him. He was it for me; I would never love another man. I was stupid to hurt him like I did. My bitchiness was what I hid behind, he was the only one to knock that wall down, and it seemed I would just keep rebuilding it. Not this time, I'm not hiding behind anything anymore, and I planned on proving to him that it would never happen again.

I replied to him, telling him that I would meet him, and that I was sorry. I ended it with I love you. He wrote back with only, goodnight.


	3. Spike's POV again

I ran my hand through my bleached, gelled back hair. I took comfort in the weight of my leather coat as I readied myself for the upcoming conversation. I was shuffling from foot to foot outside Faith's apartment door. It was late enough for me to take a stroll without becoming extra crispy, but early enough for Faith to still be in… hopefully.

I knew that I wouldn't be able to stay away from Buffy when I saw her tonight. I would want to hold her and tell her it was alright when I don't know if it will ever be _alright_ again. Maybe Faith could help stoke me up for my meeting with Buffy. I doubted it, I loved Buffy, she was my life, and I will always do the thing that makes her happy.

**What if I walked without you? What if I ran without you?**

**What if I stand without you? I could not go on.**

**What if I lived without you?**

**What if I loved without you?**

**What if I died without you?**

**I could not go on.**

Faith opened the door, her eyebrow raised questioningly. "Hey, you're blonde again." She stiffened. "What did Buffy do?"

I rolled my eyes, despite her being right, I felt the need to protect Buffy. "What, I can't dye my hair without a fight with Buffy prompting it?"

"You do know I've met your wife, right? That I've seen you two interact for the last few years? You and Buff had a fight and now you're looking for me to kick your ass in the right direction."

Was my life really that obvious? Did I always look to Faith for help? Good god, I've become some sort of mutant poofter.

Faith sighed and stepped aside. I guess she took my silence as an answer. "Come on in Blondie."

I spoke as I crossed the threshold. "Buffy cheated on me. I found out yesterday."

The words tasted like ash in my mouth, and I hated Buffy for causing this pain. Yet it didn't seem right for me to me to have spent a whole night away from my wife when she was so close.

"That sucks, man. Who with?" Faith was acting cool, but I could see that it affected her. I'll never really know why she had gotten protective over me. Or how we ended up like rivaling siblings.

"Angel." I spat his name like a curse; he was the one I truly hated for this. I hated him for making Buffy want him, for making her love him. The fact that I couldn't leave Buffy's side without her running off to _him_ killed me. If he has Buffy, he has my life. I'm nothing without her; I need her, she's my sunlight.

**You left my side tonight,**

**And I just don't feel right.**

**But I can't let her out of sight.**

**Without you I'm no one,**

**I'm nothing at all.**

Faith pinched her face in disapproval. "Really? Why the hell would she choose to cheat with _that_ dick head?"

I gaped at her with a dumbarse look on my face, I'm pretty sure my jaw hung loosely as well, but I couldn't concentrate enough to be sure. How could she not know how Buffy felt about Angel? I asked her as much.

She laughed. Why the hell was she laughing at me?

"B hasn't felt anything for Angel in a long time." She stared right into my eyes and I suddenly felt like a deer in the headlights, her eyes boring into me. "You're the only man she cares about anymore. You're the one she loves. So I ask; why would she sleep with that shit?"

Her tone sent chills through my body. She only ever used that cold, calculated tone when she wanted me to really listen. It always did the trick, now was no exception.

"She didn't care to tell me, but I'll ask her for you tonight when I see her." I tossed a hand in the air. "But hell, maybe they rekindled their passion while I was off saving the bloody world."

Faith was in my face, and before I knew what she was doing she smacked me in the side of my head.

I cradled my head in a hand. "Ow, what the bleeding fuck was that for?"

Faith glared at me. "For being such a dipshit. If you took your head out of your ass for like a minute you'd see how much you two love each other."

"A one sided love," I snapped.

She smacked me on the other side. "She needs you as much as you need her. If she slept with Angel then it's his fault, I'm sure of it."

"How the hell can you know that?" I started screaming now, my temper soaring. "You didn't know sod all until ten minutes ago, so how do you know what happened?" I jumped back and felt a gust of wind as her hand passed an inch in front of my face.

She shoved my shoulder. "I know, because I've spent nights talking with Buffy, you're all she wants, everything she needs. If Angel fucked her than it was against her will, he already tried to force himself on me. That's how I know!" She was screaming at me now, tears pricking the sides of her eyes.

**What if I lie without you?**

**What if I rise without you?**

**And what if I dream without you?**

**I could not go on.**

I felt dirty, I felt like an arse. Angel might have raped my wife and all I did for her was rant and walk out on her, feeling nothing but sorry for myself. Guilt washed over me and I felt the sudden need to heave.

I stood in front of Faith, blinking rapidly. "Wh-what did you say?"

Faith laughed bitterly. "I said shit-face tried to rape me, so yeah, my guess is that's what happened to the woman who _loves_ you."

I became vaguely aware of the tears streaming down my cheeks as I clutched my fist so tight that the coppery scent of my blood filled my dulled senses. I wanted to hit something, preferably Poofter's wanker face. What I did to him the other day had nothing on what I planned on doing the next time I laid eyes on his nancy-boy arse.

I jumped a little when I felt Faith wrap me in a fierce hug. I hadn't even notice that my eyes had closed or that I had buggered up the palms of my hands. I hugged her back, resting my head on hers. My tears wet her hair as hers soaked my shirt. I've never hated Angel more, even when he tormented me daily as Angelus, not even when I was the one on the victim side of his fascination with rape. I forgave him for all that, wrote it off as a soulless act. I'd never make that mistake again.

Faith's breathing steadied and she pulled back, smiling sadly up at me. "Go, go get your girl. You guys are the closest to soul mates as there'll ever be. You deserve a better ending than this."

I smiled back, giving her another, quicker hug. "Thanks Faith, I'd be bolloxed without you."

She pushed me off and grinned. "Let's not get all sappy here. You needed a smacking and I was just the brunette to do it, ain't no big deal."

I nodded and left with a soft farewell, whispering that it was a big deal.

I must have been standing around at Faith's longer than I thought, it was ten 'til eleven now, and I was a good half hour walk from Andrew's. I really regretted not taking my jeep. I needed to see Buffy as soon as possible; I needed to tell her how sorry I was. If I ever get her back in my arms I won't let go. I'll never leave her side again. Without her I'm nothing, with her I a man.

**You left my side tonight,**

**And I just don't feel right,**

**But I can't let you out of sight**

**Without you I'm no one,**

**I'm nothing at all.**

**Nothing at all.**


	4. Buffy's POV again

**Hi, sorry updating took so long. This chapter does have rape. It was hard for me to write, mainly because I like to get into the heads of the people I am writing. If it bugs you but still you still want to keep reading my next chapters, please pm me and I'll summarize. The song is****Uninvited—Alanis Morissette.**

I hugged my sweater jacket closer to my body as I walked towards Andrew's apartment. Spike made me learn how to drive, though I didn't learn well, but my car was in the shop as it was; you can guess what I had done to land it in there.

I spent the whole night lying wide awake thinking about what Angel had done. The more I thought about it, the angrier I felt towards myself. I knew I should rage about what Angel had done, or I should feel sick and icky. And I did to a certain extent, but some sick part of my mind was somewhat flattered. That little part took pleasure in the fact that Angel still wanted me, even if I didn't want him.

I loved Spike, he was my world, and always would be. But still I found a spark in knowing Angel wanted me so badly he somehow worked to get his soul anchored in to be able to be with me.

**Like anyone would be**

**I am flattered by your fascination with me**

**Like any hot-blooded woman**

**I have simply wanted an object to crave**

I knew I would never have done anything with him if I hadn't been so drunk that I didn't know what was happening, and that made me angry at Angel. He _had_taken advantage of me, and nothing could change how wrong that was. I hadn't wanted to do anything with him, I hadn't since I fell in love with Spike.

A shiver ran down my spine as I sped walked pass an alley entrance. I'm a Slayer, I shouldn't be afraid of dark alleys, but tonight I felt like I would jump from my skin if a cat mewled. The hairs on the back of my neck stuck out like hackles as I started to pass another alley.

I felt cold, steely hands wrap around my shoulders and someone hauled me into the deep dark of the alley.

**But you, you're not allowed**

**You're uninvited**

**An unfortunate slight**

Whoever held me was strong, had more strength than a human. The fact that I hadn't eaten for over twenty-four hours coupled with the emotional exertion and lack of sleep left me weak, unable to protect myself from this man. Very suddenly I felt fragile, breakable, but worse, I felt totally human.

He pressed his face against my neck and spoke. My stomach dropped to my feet and my heart jumped out my throat. Angel.

"How come you haven't called Buff? Why haven't you come to see me since our second time making love?"

I was unable to think, to talk, to feel. Fear gripped me so tightly that I couldn't even breathe. I hadn't been this terrified since the Master killed me.

**Must be strangely exciting**

**To watch the stoic squirm**

**Must be somewhat heartening**

**To watch Shepherd be shepherd**

I regained composure, I didn't want Angel to know how scared I was. I glared at him; his face was inches from mine. "Don't remind me of that day. The sooner I forget it the better."

He shoved me hard against the wall. "No! You're not gonna forget, I won't let you."

I spat at him, it caught his eye. "Fuck you, asshole. I'm surprised Spike didn't beat you until you were incapable of moving."

Angel snorted. "He did. Isn't it amazing what you can get a freelance witch to do?"

I struggled a little, but knew it was worthless. He had me trapped. "I'm sure next time Spike will beat you twice as hard for hurting me. Hope he lets me watch."

He slammed me against the wall again. My head hit the bricks and burst of light danced in front of my vision. I knew it was stupid to aggravate him, but it was all I could do at the moment.

"You're mine," he growled.

"Never," I hissed weakly. "I'll never let you touch me. Not again."

**But you you're not allowed**

**You're uninvited**

**An unfortunate slight**

Angel pressed him mouth to mine, trying to force his tongue in. He pulled back in frustration a snarled at me.

"Why don't you let me have a little taste, huh? I could always go lower for my taste, but maybe that's what you want? You want me to fuck you against the wall?"

"Call me prideful, but I just don't want some fucked up vampire inside me." I knew I was pushing it, but it was all I could do to not cry. I wanted to beg for Spike to save me, but I refused to show weakness.

Angel licked up my neck and to my chin, grinning at me. "Pride is a sin, baby."

"And so is rape. And that's all that night with you was." I snarled at him.

**Like any uncharted territory**

**I must seem greatly intriguing**

**You speak of my love like**

**You have experienced love like mine before**

I hear him chuckle low in his throat, a sound I hadn't hear from him since Angelus. I couldn't think of what that could imply, it made my heart try to pound out of my chest and I fought harder to escape. He just pressed his body to mine; pinning me against the wall.

I wanted Spike; needed him to save me. All I could think was; _why hadn't he saved me yet?_ He always saved me, he loved me. But he wouldn't be there to save me anymore. I was alone again, I hadn't been alone since he came back to me, and now I had fucked that up and would have to pay the price. Fuck. I hated myself. I felt tears in my eyes and hated myself more; for showing weakness, for causing all this pain, for not being able to fight. I hated myself, even though I knew it was Angel I should have hated.

**But you you're not allowed**

**You're uninvited**

**An unfortunate slight**

He ripped my jean open and tore my underwear out of his way. I felt like I could throw up, my body shook with fear. At that moment I wanted to die.

He got his own pants undone and lifted me up enough for him to slam into me.

I didn't hear anything through the pounding in my head, pain shot through me as Angel tore through me with each thrust.

I was on the edge of passing out when Angel was ripped off me. I sunk to the ground, sobs racking my body. I gazed up, seeing Spike in game-face. He looked so angry, so upset. I thought I saw tears in his eyes as well, but I couldn't see very well since tears obscured my vision.

The way his head swiveled from me to Angel I knew he was torn between killing Angel, and comforting me. God, all I wanted was for him to comfort me and kill Angel later. I felt nothing; my mind went into shutdown to protect itself.

I heard some of what was being said, but it sounded distant and muffled by the blood pounding in my ears. I stared blankly at the men.

Angel looked horrified, his eyes wide open and his mouth working to spit out something other than the unintelligible noise he was making. He stuttered as he backed out of the alley. I could hear him chanting the same thing. It made me angry because whatever he felt didn't change what he did. Yet he still said the words.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. So sorry. I'm so sorry."

Angel turned and ran. I half expected Spike to chase him down, but he didn't. For a minute he just looked at me, his game-face melting away. I that minute I knew that despite all that had happened, despite Angel's endeavors, I was still Spike's. I just didn't know if he would want me after everything… after tonight.

**I don't think you unworthy**

**I just need a moment to deliberate**


	5. Spike's POV once again

**Tonight my head is spinning,**

**I need something to pick me up.**

**I've tried but nothing is working.**

**I won't stop,**

**I won't say I've had enough!**

I paced the living room of our house. After Angel had run like a little fuck, I gathered Buffy up and brought her home. She wouldn't even look at me. She wouldn't talk to me, or let me touch her. I called Dawn, Willow and Faith over. Buffy needed help, but she wouldn't let me give it to her. They were with her, holding her, doing what I couldn't; stopping her tears.

I threw the empty bottle of JD. It shattered in the fireplace. I couldn't say there, not when I wasn't able to help my wife, my Buffy. I had to do something.

I nicked Faith's keys and stormed to the door. One thought, one goal; fix Buffy.

"Where you think you're going, Blondie?" Faith asked me as she glided down the stairs.

"I don't know. Kill Angel maybe, find a bloody time-machine." I opened the door and was at her car before she caught me. She turned me to face her.

"Are you an idiot?"

I scoffed. "Probably." I tore the door open and sat in the driver's seat. "But I needed to do something."

**Tonight, I start the fire,**

**Tonight, I break away!**

Before Faith could argue, I slammed the key in the ignition and sped away. It became clear to me where I was headed. Working for the Council gave me great knowledge of the beyond. Of the bleedin' Powers, and just how to find them.\

**Break! Away from everybody.**

**Break! Away from everything.**

**If you can't stand the way this place is,**

**Take! Yourself to higher places.**

I fought off the demons the guarded the entrance of the hidden cave. The first was a K'viks demon, big and ugly, with talons the length of daggers and twice as sharp. It took some doing, but I ended up killing him with one of his own fingers. Cut the bloody head off I did. Only got slashed across the chest once doing it, too.

The second and third were new to me, I had never heard of a demon like them. I dubbed them Twiddle Ugly and Twiddle Uglier. The looked like mutant bats, if bats were six feet tall and had claws that dripped with green ick. I took me a lot longer to deal with them. They were dumb, slow and appeared to have shitty vision. I got my shoulder bitten and my coat torn up, but I was able to trick Twiddle Uglier to rip the out of Twiddle Ugly. The buggering burk managed to cut me with his claws just before I drove the K'viks' talon up through his jaw, into his tiny brain. The venom on his claws paralyzed my right arm and sent shudders of pain through the rest of my body. It took mere minutes before my vampire healing washed the poison away, and once again I was on the hunt.

**At night I feel like a vampire.**

**It's not right, but I just can't give it up.**

**I'll try to get myself higher,**

**Let's go, we're gonna light it up!**

I felt my demon celebrate. He had been pushed down for so long. I kept him hidden while I played house. But now, as I fought for my Slayer, as I tore demons to shreds and wandered through the catacombs of the cave, I felt him take over.

I reached the room I had been looking for. It was big, with a bond fire in the middle. I felt it buzz with raw power. This is where the conduit for the Powers That Be resided. This is where I would get answers, where I would get help.

"Wakey, wakey you Prats. I need your help."

Voices spoke at the same time, they sounded near, but also very far. It was damn creepy. "William the Bloody, you defeated our demons. How?"

"Buffy Pratt, my wife, the Slayer Champion, has been hurt. I want a few things. One, why did _your_ bloody Champ do it?"

"We don't have time for you. What you want desire is not our concern."

I lit a fag and puffed thoughtfully before I answered the gits. "Fine, guess I'll just go kill Angel and leave it at that." I turn but that eerily double voice stopped me.

"Wait. We… may be able to help shed some light."

"That's what I thought."

**Tonight we start the fire.**

**Tonight we break away!**

**Break! Away from everybody.**

**Break! Away from everything.**

**If you can't stand the way this place is,**

**Take! Yourself to higher places.**

"How dare you come here, and kill our guard and threaten us. We could dust you now." The voices were angry now, but it didn't scare me like they wanted.

"Right, I'm bored now. So dust me if you want, or just do as I say." I was calling a bluff I wasn't sure they had, but I needed them.

It worked. "Angelus, the souled vampire Champion attacked Buffy Summers—"

I interrupted them. "Pratt. She took my name, she Buffy Pratt."

"Pratt." They sounded irritated. I would have assumed higher beings would have more patients. "He has had magics worked on him. He used dark magic to fuse something pure, and of God to himself. This caused him to become more demon than man. That is the cause of this trouble."

"What do I do to fix that?"

"Find the witch that fused his soul and force her to undo it. Be warned, Angelus will fight you. Though his soul is there, it has little power over him now, his demon is in control."

"How do I help Buffy? Can you… wipe her mind of it, or turn back time or some such rot?"

"We have done all we can. The Champion Slayer will have to make it through herself."

My heart sunk. I wasn't sure she could make it through. "There must be something? Anything. Help her!"

"William," This time it was only the female voice that spoke. "She may not make the journey alone; she needs her mate with her. It is her only chance. You must help her through; your love can guide her path."

My shoulders sank, and I was hit with the force of the pain from my various wounds. "Okay," I whispered. "Guess it's time to fix this."

**Break! Away from everybody.**

**Break! Away from everything.**

**If you can't stand the way this place is,**

**Take! Yourself to higher places.**

I left the cave. I had to capture Angel and find the bleeding witch that started all the trouble. Angel would definitely feel my wrath, but first I had to see my wife.

I flicked the butt of my fag out the window of Faith's black Corvette as I sped home.

**Tonight we start the fire.**

**Tonight we break away!**


End file.
